but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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