i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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