i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
