It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
