My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
