This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My cat gives me a boner
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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