wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
