Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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