you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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