the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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