Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You dont lie about slip and slides
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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