I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
