I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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