New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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