I wish my penis had an off switch
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
