You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
