wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
