I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
