The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
