omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Randomize
