another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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