I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
