i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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