I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I won the penis lottery.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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