Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize