Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
