so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
