I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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