I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
