Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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