I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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