I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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