Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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