I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
are you so shy because you have an std?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
