Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
