then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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