New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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