Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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