happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
