We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
