i think my mom watched the whole time
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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