I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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