Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
