I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
