these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
