it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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