So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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