So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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