I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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