That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
