i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
