Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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