you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize