bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
