apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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