guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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