fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
