you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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