I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
