She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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