Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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