she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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