I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
