Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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