Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
