also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize