I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
