Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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